Do You Hear The Rain?
by Parachutingkitten
Summary: Some loosely related season 11 angst one shots (Centering around Pixal)
1. Chapter 1

Pixal woke gasping for breath- her arms flailing out as her chest rose and her eyes shot open. She sat up, grasping at her surroundings, the sheets of her bed crumpling as her grip caught onto them. She was in her room- alone in the dark and in no danger. Her breaths slowed as she gazed around at her surroundings.

It had just been a dream.

She slumped back in her bed, holding her head in her hands- her heart beat still racing as she sat. Her door slowly creaked open, a friend standing on the other side. He was hesitant to enter.

"I heard rustling. Everything okay?" Lloyd asked, his voice hushed.

Pixal scrunched her legs together beneath her comforter, straightening up to look at him. "I was just… dreaming about him."

Their eyes both drifted towards the ground.

"Why are _you_ up?" Pixal offered.

"Couldn't sleep." Lloyd sighed, leaning on the door. "Never can on nights like this."

"Like what?" She asked, her mind now drifting from to terror that had woken her.

"Do you hear the rain?" Lloyd asked, looking over at the window. The soft patter of raindrops sounded almost silently on the other side. Just loud enough to hear, and just soft enough to overlook.

"What's wrong with the rain?"

Lloyd stepped into the room, leaning on one of Pixal's bed posts. "…Nothing good ever happens in the rain."

Pixal matched Lloyd's gaze, staring at the blinds clumsily hiding the outside, and concentrating on the sound of the water. The sound scoring moments of betrayal, heartbreak… loss.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Lloyd asked her, her eyes darting back to him.

She gazed at him, her mind going blank as they stared at each other. She made no attempt to answer him. Her head simply sunk, her hand moving to rub her wrist.

Lloyd sat down at the foot of the bed, folding his legs and ruffling his hair, already a mess from his attempts at rest. They sat in the silence filled by the rain, each one not reaching the courage to look at the other, and not finding the words to speak on what consumed their minds.

"What… were you dreaming?" Lloyd asked, hesitantly.

Pixal crossed her arms, looking up at the ceiling.

"If it isn't too much," he added.

She sighed, closing her eyes.

"It just… it all felt so real." She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts. "I was in the middle of this winter storm, and Zane was lost. I had gone out to look for him. And I'm out in the snow, calling for him when I come to a lake." She opened her eyes, staring blankly at the space in front of her. "The lake is frozen over, so I begin to cross it. I'm about halfway over when I look down…" Her eyes glossed as she bit her tongue for a moment. "And below the ice… there he is. And I drop down, and I bang on the ice, hitting as hard as I can, but I can't break it." She took a deep breath, the first tear leaving her eye as she blinked. "He's right in front of me, and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs, but I _can't_ get to him. I end up laying on the ice, crying, and when I look back…"

Pixal clears her tears, reaching the end of the story. "He's gone."

"You okay?" Lloyd asked, offering eye contact.

She nodded. "Yeah. I guess it's just hard to believe that he's really… gone. It seems like every time he has some way of coming back. Of making it all better, you know?" Her attempts at blocking her tears continued as more continued to spill out.

"Yeah," Lloyd sighed, his eyes drifting as he thought back to his friend. "I mean, I've had to pretend like it's all been fine before, and it's always ended up that way." Lloyd's eyes began to water, wondering if the rain was really to blame for his lack of sleep. "I guess I think if I keep on pretending, that it'll work this time too. I don't know, it just feels like something that could never be real. Like it's all some sort of-"

"Nightmare." Pixal finished. "… and we're all just waiting to wake up."


	2. Chapter 2

Wu had just poured himself a fresh cup of tea, his fingers enveloped by its new radiant warmth. His heart was still heavy at the sound of the empty monastery. The quiet was a reminder of his mistakes. But today it was a little bit easier to ignore than other days.

_Today it was raining._

There was one person that could potentially fill the silence with him. Although, he didn't know where she was. Pixal wasn't in the cave, he had just come from there. And she wasn't in the kitchen, because that was where he was. Pixal didn't usually like spending time in her room, but perhaps it was worth looking there. Wu walked up and down the halls, looking for the droid, but she seemed to be nowhere. Had she left? Gone somewhere in the rain? It didn't seem likely. His eyes turned to the front door at the thought. He placed his cup down as his feet drew him to the entrance. He opened the door, the mist from the outside hitting his skin along with a swift chill. He leaned out, glancing around only for his eyes to land on her, sitting just outside the cover of the awning, the heavy rain drenching her hair, and rolling along the smooth metal of her skin. She sat on the ground, her knees pulled up between her arms as she looked out at the sky.

"Hello Pixal," He spoke, grabbing her attention.

Pixal sat up as she saw him. "Hello Sensei."

"I didn't expect to find you out here," Wu smiled.

Pixal thought for a moment, smiling back at him. "I didn't expect you to find me."

Wu stepped out into the rain, moving to join her on the ground. "What brought you out here?"

Pixal's eyes trailed the horizon in a contained sort of frenzy. "Lloyd told me before they left… _nothing good ever happens in the rain_. I thought this might be some sort of omen."

Wu followed her eyes, understanding what she was looking for. "Do you think it's something here, or something… there?"

Pixal turned to look at him. "I don't know," she sighed. "I suppose I was hoping it would be something here. I'm sure the last thing they need is more trouble on their side."

The rain pattered around them, scattered and immersive as their thoughts.

"...there has to be something we can do for them. Something we haven't thought of yet. Something right in front of us that we're just… missing for some reason," Wu reasoned.

"We've done all we can do." Pixal shook her head. "But I have faith in them. They have a history of getting themselves out of situations like this." Pixal took in a deep breath, perhaps trying to believe her own words.

Wu looked out at the skyline again, his mind still frantic with questions. "Sometimes I wonder if they went off on a fruitless mission to begin with."

"...what do you mean?" Pixal questioned.

"Well, they went to rescue Zane. By the time they left to find him it's possible that… we'd already lost him."

Pixal looked at him a moment, processing the thought.

"No, Zane's still alive." She turned to the horizon again, confident in her answer.

Wu looked at her curiously for a moment. "How can you be sure?"

Pixal closed her eyes, focusing on the pulse in her chest.

_"Because I know what it feels like when he dies."_


	3. Chapter 3

The event just seemed so anti-climactic. The initial reunion had been as sweet as ever, but the rest of the afternoon had been dampened both literally and metaphorically by the rain. It was so much quieter than she thought it would be. Everyone was sleeping soundly after the trials of their latest adventure. She couldn't blame them. They were humans, with human limitations and bodies that could only do so much. That is… except for Zane.

He sat in front of the window of his room, staring at the downpour, his legs crossed, his eyes blank, and his mind heavy. Pixal had been lingering in the doorway for a while now. Her eyes too, attached to the water on the other side of the glass. It fell so lightly but accumulated so quickly. So random, yet so constant. It's like it had the power to sedate the world. It was this strange ritual that all of humanity shared of staying inside for the rain's sake. As if it would break the sanctity of the water to disturb it's fall to the earth. It was a spell that the rain cast on all those who could hear it, but it was a dreary and melancholy spell to say the least.

"Do you like the rain?" Zane asked. Pixal could see his eyes shift on the glass of the window pain, meeting her own.

"I'm not sure," she sighed, moving into the room. "Some people say that rain is regenerative. That it can be a symbol of rebirth." Pixal sat next to him on the floor, their eyes still communing through the window. "It's like a sort of reset button. But it's impossible to know what for."

Zane thought for a moment, his eyes straying towards the ground. "I think it's mainly a time of reflection. Your feelings about it just depend on what it is you have to reflect on."

Pixal could sense the conflict in his mind. She slid her fingers into his hand, lightly griping them. "Are you okay?"

Zane turned to her, their eyes now meeting as he took her other hand. "Pixal... I love you."

She could feel herself smile at the words as he spoke. "I love you too."

"No," Zane shook his head, his eyes beginning to water. "No, you don't. You don't know what I've done. You don't know who I am. I hardly know who I am anymore."

"Zane," Pixal placed a hand on his cheek, guiding his eyes back to hers. "I know who you are." her eyes were firm as she spoke, but her tone was far from convincing him. His hand gripped her wrist, lowering it as tears began to fall.

"No, this is so much worse than anything else before. My hands have done so much wrong, and it's never going away!" She could feel him trembling now. "You don't understand how much pain I've caused. How many families I've separated, how long-"

"Zane," Pixal stopped him. "I understand. I know what it's like." Zane took a few deep breaths, looking at her again. "But I know who you are. And I still love you."

Zane began shaking his head again. "But you'll never know what I did. How terrible it was. I don't deserve to be here. I don't deserve you. You shouldn't want me."

"Zane, I know." Pixal stressed, her own eyes beginning to water now. "I know what it's like to have created an army that destroys everything it comes across. I know what it's like to watch the aftermath in horror knowing that it's all because of an action you took. I know what it's like for everyone around you to tell you that it's not your fault because someone worse is to blame. That you weren't yourself. That you weren't in control. That you're somehow the victim of a situation where countless people were irreversibly harmed, and you came out unscathed. And I know what it's like to ignore all of the rational thoughts in your head, because you think that if you had maybe just fought back a little harder, focused a little more, shaken off this person, this evil being that had control of you, that maybe then you could have stopped it." Tears ran down both their cheeks now, their grip on each other tightened.

"And I know what it's like to look someone you love in the eyes and feel _so_ utterly inadequate. I know how hard it can be to allow them to love you back. I know how long it can take to be comfortable with yourself again. Trust me. I get it."

Zane's mind had understandably shifted at this point from his own troubles to that of his companion's. Why had he never noticed before? "Pixal, I-"

"And I'm not here to tell you to ignore it all, or that it doesn't matter." She stopped him. "Because it _does_ matter. What happened matters a lot to a lot of people, and it should to you too. But you _can't_ let it define you. You can't let it become your core. Because that's _not_ who you are." She smiled through the tears, her eyes lighting up. "I know you! I've been you! I lived in your head for years, and I know what you are and are not capable of. Zane was _not_ the one who betrayed his friends. There was no way he ever could have. That was the monster who took over his body." Pixal leaned forward, shifting herself onto her knees. "So, no matter what it was that the ice emperor did… I love you."

Zane could feel himself crumble from her words, a smile sneaking on to his face. "Thank you," he breathed, hurriedly trying to clear the tears from his eyes.

She wrapped her arms around him, cradling his head on her shoulder, heavy breaths running through the both of them.

_"And nothing will ever change that."_


End file.
